Thoughts from the back of the pack

Today was day 1 of Boot Camp. I willingly signed up for it, and paid $50 of my own money, because I wasn't going to spend my 26th year like I spent my 21st-25th years: making promises to myself that I wouldn't keep. So, on the first day of my 26th year, I started Boot Camp.

Ouch.

We formed up and did some basic drills... push ups, jumping jacks, standing at attention, the like. Then we ran. And we did more drills. And we ran. And we did more drills. It was at this point that people started asking me if I was okay.
{No, I'm not okay. I'm pretty sure I'm going to puke. But I'm not sad/frustrated/nervous about that. I'm just embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that you're 45 and kicking my butt. I'm embarrassed that I let myself get this way. I'm embarrassed that I can't even keep my legs moving without seeing black.}

It was also around this time that I found my place in the pack - I was in the back, with the girl who just had her hip replaced. That girl is amazing. She knew she was slow and kept telling me to pass her. No thanks, I muttered. {I didn't want to pass out and trip or hurt her.} She kept moving, and she kept me moving. I'm grateful to her.

The drill sgt was supportive and just kept saying "There's no shame in your game" over and over... "Just give me your best. I just want your best. Don't give me anything less that you've got." He knew I was giving my all.

When we were dismissed, I hurried into the locker room. If I got in the shower before anyone else came in, then they wouldn't see me... so, I hopped on in and stood under the water, still terrified that I'd fall over onto the drain. It took me 5 minutes just to get the energy to wash my hair.

So - after all of that, I am ready for day 2. It'll hurt, but I'll give it my best, and that's all that any of us can do.